How Do We Deal With Loss?

Even when considering that we are awareness doesn’t help

Photo by Mikhail Nilov

Original question:

How do we deal with the death of a loved one from the past and fear of death of a loved one in the future. Considering we are awareness not physical body also does not end the great unbearable pain of Death.

By Vidhya BV

We hear it everywhere, don’t we? That we are souls, or awareness. That we are eternal, and that we are pieces of the Creator. And while we experience this for ourselves at some point in our journey — in the meantime, we are surrounded with chaos.

The people we love come and leave from our lives. The job we depended on to feed our family, and take care of loved ones are cancelled for budgeting reasons. The place we called our home for years is taken away from us because our parents work in a different country now. The reputation that protected us in the country is now gone for whatever reason, and we feel suicidal. And so on.

When seeing how all those things, that gave our life a meaning, are removed from us one after the other — suffering becomes inevitable.

Even if we consider ourselves to be rather optimistic in nature; the memories from our dear past that keep coming up, our inability to find sleep, the loss of appetite, the fearful thoughts of having truly lost someone or something and the emptiness that it created in our existence — it makes us feel cursed.

And while we’re told that it gets easier with time — our arising fears about experiencing such pain again tell us otherwise. Unless given proper attention, as it happens with most, those fears go on to cripple us for the rest of our lives.

We are never able to fully enjoy the moment. We become overprotective with people, and suffocate them in the process — justifying it in the name of “I care about you,” or “Don’t you see how much I love you?”

Attachment gives birth to loss. Loss creates pain. Pain manufactures fear. Fear strengthens attachment, and this produces paranoia — or the torturing thoughts about the “worst-case scenario.”

As a species, this is what we experience. While we may beat ourselves up for being like this, the truth is that we, as a collective, reason in this manner. And as souls, we came here to work this out.

Let’s remember that our ancestors went through tough times. They had to figure out how to live on this planet. And thanks to their hardwork, we have an easier time today since we carry their genes.

Our ancestors fought against difficult situations, in most cases, unprepared. They lost companions. And the overall suffering that such experiences created pushed forward a lot of fears about experiencing similar events in the future.

Since we inherit their genes, their reasoning lives through us to this day.

While we’re here to serve each other and the planet so to evolve collectively — the momentum to follow the “herd” is very compelling. To remain calm in the middle of all these self-defeating thoughts demands great strength and firmness.

In most cases, we lack this firmness because our energy has been dissipated through unhealthy habits we consider to be “normal.” And that is why most people succumb to the storm of negativity that surrounds us.

We have free will, of course.

We can experience such scenarios over and over again, until enough becomes enough and we finally choose to look at the situation in a different way.

Most of us fear loneliness. But are we lonely?

If you take a look around yourself — the oxygen you inhale comes from the Earth, and the carbon dioxide you exhale is used again by this very Earth. This is just one example. You can read this article to go deeper into this matter of how we are part of this giant organism that is the Earth.

What creates this belief in loneliness then? Most of us live in a small corner. We live for a few people. We live for a job. We live for a specific god. We live for a routine. We live for our beliefs. We live for a goal. Etc.

This makes up our life.

But what about the rest of life?

What about the beauty of the trees? What about dogs on the streets? What about people we don’t know — how weird they may be, or how expressive they are in comparison to the people we know? What about the different cultures in this world? What about the realization that our way of doing things is not the only way of doing things since so many cultures and beliefs exist? What about other planets, the stars, the Moon? What about the expression, and diversity of Creation?

In fewer words, have we come here to live in a small corner? Or, have we come here to actually live, which means — be in awe of this Creation, explore its details, its colors, its textures, its intricacies, and so on?

If our life is all about a person, or a goal, or our possessions/our business — then naturally, we isolate ourselves. And in that isolation, it is very hard to connect with Existence. We deprive ourselves from the overflow of energy that surrounds us.

And naturally, when those things we gave our whole lives to — children, people, businesses, achievements, etc., leave (because everything is subject to change) we suffer. And then we ask ourselves — what is life’s meaning?

Flowers can teach us that. They bloom and return to the Earth. Form is transient. This is a universal law. While we may fear that accepting life’s nature will make it look sad; it’s the opposite. In acceptance lies great freedom, wisdom and joy.

Naturally, we want to relearn to express our emotions and thoughts in healthy ways. Not only do we want to express them — we also want to “look” at them. Ideally, we do this by being present with our feelings, and thoughts. We breathe deeply, and we allow what wants to come out to do so. If tears roll out, we let them go. If fearful thoughts come up, we look at them.

Looking means being aware. Just aware.

Journaling is a good practice to help us get some perspective on our experiences, thus allowing us to process them with much more wisdom. If you find journaling boring — I have created a video that will make you look forward to your journaling sessions because when done rightly, the growth we experience from such a simple practice is surprising. The link to the video will be shared at the end of this article.

Being kind with yourself during such an “episode” in your life is also important. We’re humans. We need time, compassion and a safe space to process our feelings. The gentler we are with ourselves, the smoother this process is.

Lastly, reconnect with Existence.

You may have your family, your particular situation, your goals, etc. We all do. But that doesn’t mean we should exclude other things from our lives. We all have a few moments to look at the clouds, to sit in the middle of trees, to help a stranger, to feed some birds, to compliment someone’s dressing style, to feel the sunlight on our skin, to breathe deeply and thank life for everything — the “good” and the “bad.”

The more we reconnect with Existence, the more anchored we are. This doesn’t mean that we won’t experience suffering — oh no, but what it does mean is that we will accept suffering as part of life, but also, as an essential step for us on our evolutionary path.

When acceptance comes into the equation of processing our emotions, suffering turns into energy. And it is released.

And when we are okay with living, when we accept its multiple “facets,” we have been blessed in marvelous ways. And in our heart, we know it to be a fact.

I hope this article helped you look at loss from a different angle, and hopefully, bring some peace to your heart. You are not alone. Look around you.

As promised, the link to the journaling video.


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