You Don’t Love — You Lie

Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash

The man who gets home to see his wife has been told his whole life this is what life is about. The man who gets home to play with his kids has been told this is what life is about. The man who gets a stable job, and a noble reputation in society has also been told that this is what life is about.

Eventually, we age as people. Our children go on to build lives of their own, and our days of glory are replaced by memories which our mind plays on repeat — similarly to what’s in front of us, on the TV.

This is the life we are sold, and when we are in the midst of it, everything feels so perfect. Unknowingly, we are fulfilling an unconscious agenda — one that comes from our very DNA. While this agenda has its use in the physical domain, deriving meaning out of it is meaningless.

It is rare in this world to grow up in a healthy environment. We always assume that we are the only one who went through tough times, the only one who had terrible parents, the only one who hasn’t received enough love.

This is an erroneous assumption. Look at the world we live in, the violence we worship, our aggressive ways, our coldness, and how we crush each other on our way to “success,” which has come to mean “doing whatever it takes to get where we want to be.”

Now yes, a little bit of drama. Not everyone is like this of course. But some contrast can help us get out of our own narrative, and look at the world outside our familiar (and narrowed) perspective.

Since we are as a collective this brutal at the surface level, you can start having a close to correct guess regarding the amount of chaos reigning in our subconscious mind.

And this chaos comes from our early beginnings.

The story is different for each one of us. Some of us did not receive the love and validation we yearned for as kids, and therefore assumed we were undeserving of love. Some of us never met our parents’ expectations, and therefore believed we were not good enough, and that we would never amount to much. Some of us were abandoned/neglected, in one way or another, and since then craved affection and feared loneliness.

So on and so forth.

Again, the stories vary. What doesn’t however is the kind of experiences we produce as a collective for one another, and how from child to parent to the Earth— we keep perpetuating the cycles without much thought being given to the whole problem. This says a lot about us as a species. We should be more compassionate with one another.

Back to the subject.

Since we’ve all grown up feeling flawed for different reasons, we go about our daily lives feeling deprived — and when we meet a person that shows us genuine appreciation, we’re turned upside down. It’s new. It’s weird. Yet, it’s so invigorating, so much so that we get addicted to it. Obviously, out of affection we return the attitude to the other, and in time — we fall in love.

Now here’s the thing.

Our understanding of love in general is very much rudimentary and premature. What we call “love” is essentially how we compensate for limiting beliefs about ourselves we’ve accepted as being true — which is also reinforced by deeper programming coming from our DNA (mating, reproduction, perpetuating the species, etc.).

And that is why, such relationships can either be a prison or a portal to liberation.

It’s difficult to think straight when you’re in love. Your beliefs about life are agitated, and your hormones play with your head. That’s when challenges start appearing in the couple’s life.

Overtime, and unknowingly, we crave each other because we help each other feel better about ourselves and life in general. Expectations are created. We rely more and more on each other. We become judgmental because we have assumed to be the sole proprietor of the other so we want them to fit our narrative. And at some point, the person we once thought we could easily spend our whole life with suffocates us.

It’s true. It’s a fact. Let’s keep digging.

Then arguments begin, fights happen, breakups follow, we come back together because we “miss” each other, which again relates to being attached to one another, which again goes back to believing another human being can “fix” us. And the circus goes on and on.

This kind of life with another human being can be fun, for sure. But, it also invites nightmare after nightmare. And from a higher perspective, our life looks like an endless repeating pattern, a prison — and it is one.

After some time, once our bodies have aged enough and our DNA’s agenda is over — we have the unpleasant thought that comes up; why have I done this with my life? There must be more to it! Perhaps we don’t see what we used to see in our partner anymore, perhaps we were fooled by hormones after all. But what can we do about it? We have not inquired into ourselves, we spent years following social norms, and now, we still fear loneliness — so we stick together because at this point we have no other option…

Is it God’s fault? Is it “this is how life is!”?

Most people find comfort in such statements, and then they preach to get out of your comfort zone!

Obviously, there is some drama here. Again, to create some contrast and help us get out of our own narratives, and look at the whole picture.

As said, the more intense a relationship is — intense in the sense that you cannot explain why you feel so drawn to a particular person regardless of what happens between you — the more such a relationship gifts you with a rare opportunity for profound soul transformation.

A soul transformation means the best you, and the best gift you can give to your partner and to the world, is the best you.


What this means is simple—as romantic as Hollywood made it sound, no one can give our life a meaning. We can never truly love another if we are using them as an emotional cushion. And when we do so, as most couples do, we betray ourselves, our path, our soul but also this very person we love. This is a disservice to Creation.

Such a realization goes against a heavy load of programming in our subconscious mind. It defies what we’ve accepted as being true for years, and sometimes decades. It can be unsettling, and a little bit scary at first — don’t let it bother you much however. Nothing will happen to you and your lover. Love is multifaceted, and experiencing it in its varied colors is the biggest gift of life!

This piece is to be continued.

In the next part, we will explore how to bring our relationship to the next level by undergoing these deep transformations, and what this next level looks like.

If you don’t want to miss it out — subscribe to my newsletter here, and when the piece is ready, you’ll be the first to know 😉


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