How Do We Learn to Love Ourselves When We’ve Never Been Loved Like We Deserve?

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Generally, the fact that we have never felt loved is a catalyst for learning to love ourselves instead of expecting others to love us. So, learning to be thankful for our experiences, regardless of their nature, is the first step to accomplishing this goal.

Is it easy? Not at all. It’s a long journey. And even if you sing about loving yourself like Whitney did, how her life turned out to be proves that it’s not enough.

Learning to love ourselves demands that we go within ourselves in the first place, and uncover all the blockages to love we have accumulated throughout the course of our lives.

Have we been told that we weren’t enough? Have we developed unhealthy expectations from ourselves just to please and feel validated by someone else? Have we felt incomplete/inadequate because society always told us that we had to be tall, muscular, smart, and so on?

These thoughts in our subconscious mind, which we have accumulated through the more emotional episodes of our lives, have been left to themselves. Because nearly everyone around us thinks and behaves in the same ways we do, we assume it’s normal. And because we do, it becomes our norm to live in torment.

And unless we see that this norm of ours is everything but normal, we may try to ask for love — we may get into relationships, pursue achievements, and so on. But as we soon realize, nothing is enough to fulfill us. We may get excited for a few minutes or so. But soon enough, it’s not enough. And we repeat the cycle.

That’s when we have to take a minute to think a bit. And turn our attention within.

This is not something we can work out in a few minutes. Those beliefs have been in our mind for many years. They can’t evaporate with some affirmations.

Doing one’s best everyday is what matters.

As a practice, you can use journaling to write your experiences daily and gain some perspective regarding them. You can practice meditation; simply pay attention to your breath for 10–20 minutes a day. And more importantly, be aware. Observe your thoughts and reactions. Let them reveal your deeper beliefs.

I send you all the love in the universe because you deserve it. And even some more. You are this love, and through this healing journey — you will realize that what you have been looking for through others/experiences have always been in you.

We are all on this journey. Take it easy. You’re okay.

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